Breath control
Recoil
Liquid (2000)

Who wouldn't want a good girl, a soft hand, a gentle woman for a gentleman? He said, "It's been fine
so far but after a while I want more than a soft style. I want some slashes to go with those long
eyelashes." And so the bedroom became the black room but a year later he wanted something more,
something I wasn't quite prepared for. He said, "Every woman has an itch and every nice girl secretly
wants to switch.

I like how the skins look on your white hands. I'd like you to deliver one of my demands." He said,
"Every woman has an itch and every nice girl wants to switch." He led me in and lit the room with a
hundred candles and said "God never gives you more than you can handle."

I sat astride his chest, "It's just a thrill," he said, as he relaxed on the dark, dark bed, "it's just breath
control." He whispered "Hold me here" and I did and his head fell back. He whispered "Press harder"
and I did and his eyes rolled back. It's just breath control. Just breath control.

I saw him go pale. I saw him seize up, I felt something creep up like a taste for this. Like a reward. A
kind of love, a kind of lustmord. It was a minute then three then five then ten, he wasn't coming up
again. I held on for twelve. I saw him seize and thrash and twist and when he was still, I lifted away my
wrists and looked at my hands and tried to understand.

When it was over, I slipped off the skins and drowned them in the river where we used to swim and a
year later in a shop, I was stopped by a man. He said, "I know you're looking for something that's hard
to find and I think I have what you have in mind." And he led me to a glass case and looked deep into
my face....